UIMSA Relationship Corner: Anjola and Shalom

When did you guys become friends? For how long have you known each other?

Shalom: I actually knew before we became friends. We attended the same tutorials for Post UTME and I kept hearing about a particular Anjola. [I] wanted to get to know her, but I eventually forgot about the whole thing. Then we resumed at UI and I figured that the Anjola in our class was the same Anjola from tutorials.

Anjola: We actually met officially during a registration at PLT. I asked a friend of hers to keep space for me, and that’s how we became acquainted. We started talking well in the second semester, and I figured that she was a really serious student. It was her seriousness that made me draw closer to her. She’s actually quite mature and responsible and I just wanted her to rub off on me.

Shalom: Funnily, it’s my friends that “ginger” me to be serious. Maybe because it’s the expectation she has of me that makes me not want to “fall her hand”.

What do you like most about each other?

Anjola: Shalom is very hardworking and she doesn’t let her circumstances hinder her. She doesn’t wait for people to rescue her and stuff like that. She knows how to do a lot of things at once – she’s an executive in church, she’s involved in class politics, she has a freelancing job, she’s a medical student, and she has other activities she does. She knows how to combine all of these so that none of them suffers. That’s something I really admire in her.

Shalom: When I first met Anjola, I thought she’d be the kind of person that you have to keep away from. But on getting to know her, she’s really so accommodating. I don’t make friends so easily, but with her, it was different. I also really like the God factor in her. She has inspired me to move closer to God. She always relates everything about her life to God. Also, she’s generous. She makes sacrifices for her friends, [and] not just monetary sacrifices. During the strike, she did most of the calling and we’d talk for long. I really had the fear that our friendship would suffer on resumption because of my minimal effort but surprisingly, Anjola didn’t show any annoyance or let that get in the way of our friendship. 

What annoys you the most about each other?

Anjola: Okay… Academically, Shalom will say she has not read but she will still spank. I don’t even like to ask her so that I will not implicate myself. It’s painful because I’d think we’re in the same shoes only for her to spank while I’m doing “Thank God I did not fail.” Well, I think it’s a grace she has sha. Another thing, though I don’t really count it as such, is when she doesn’t replicate the energy I give her. I’ve become more understanding of the fact that people have different things they are going through so it’s cool.

One last thing, an average annoyance though, is that I don’t really vibe with her friends. I don’t see what I see in her, in her friends. I don’t like it when she spends time with some particular persons, especially when we’re already together or doing something else at the moment. An example was when she was seeing ‘man’ in the night. I had to tell her there was an emergency so that she’d come upstairs, and even at that, she still took her precious time. 

Shalom: Anjola is so clingy (laughs). Imagine her pretending that there was an emergency because I was with someone else. Another thing is that when you’re having a discussion with Anjola, she’s likely not to hear you out once she’s done giving her opinion.

Anjola: But people like to say rubbish nauuu (laughs). When I know I’m wrong, I keep quiet. When I know I’m right, that’s when I block them out.

People will always have differing opinions and I think it’s okay to actually hear them out, even if you don’t agree with them.

Anjola: Sure; I get.

All right. There are no ‘perfect’ friendships, yeah? So how do you guys settle it when you have issues? How do you resolve your differences?

Anjola: We’ve not really had issues. Well, this issue of “I’ve not read” is a thing. It’s usually painful, but I get that her definition of “I’ve not read” may be different from mine.

Shalom: When I say I’ve not read, I really have not read. A lot of times, I just happen to read what will come out at the last minute, not like I knew they’ll come out. Sometimes, I’m really surprised by my scores because I know I wasn’t prepared. Asides from this, we’ve not really had issues.

Anjola: Well, we’ve not had issues like that. Oh, a pending issue is that Shalom wants to stay with a secondary school friend in ABH. I brought up another suggestion but she didn’t let me land with that. We didn’t really fight over it when she told me, though. We argued, sure, but we let it go.

Shalom: The choice of where to stay doesn’t really depend on just me. There are factors to put in place. And you didn’t go into all the details you’re giving now.

Anjola: That’s because your mind was already made up. Anyway, I figured that we might fight if we stay together so let’s just stay in different places.

Shalom: Right. So this isn’t really an issue. 

I feel you. I can conclude that when you guys have things that look like issues, you mostly talk it out, right?

Anjola: We don’t immediately talk things out. We just leave it or forget about it till whenever an opportunity presents itself for us to talk about it.

Shalom: We mostly just forget about it because I’m not the kind of person to easily pick or list offences.

Anjola: True. Shalom is so understanding. Even when people are obviously wrong, she makes excuses for them and all that.

What is the best moment you guys have shared so far?

Shalom: Every time we spend together outside academics. Her birthday, Coldstone times, Valentine’s Day in 100L, and all that.

Anjola: It was those times in 100L when we’d walk from CBN back to the hostel and we’ll be vibing to a particular song along the way. Those were fun times. Another one was Valentine’s Day in 100L. We were ‘booless’ and my dad decided to take us out. We had a test, but still, we chose to flex.

Quick question: did the medical school take away your fun moments? Because you guys have been talking about 100-level days mostly.

Well, I think 200-level had so much tension. Like, let’s just do what we have to do, tests and all of that. We couldn’t spend a long time going out.

How would you feel if you woke up tomorrow morning and she was a stranger to you? Like, she’s vibing with other people but she’s just not your friend at all anymore?

Shalom: I would feel lonely, honestly, because Anjola is like my only friend in this class.

Anjola: I’ve trained my mind to detach from people. I’ll feel it and I might cry, though not immediately. I’ve kinda programmed my mind that anything can happen because of some experiences I’ve had in the past. That I’ve conditioned my mind for that doesn’t mean I don’t care about my friend, do you get?

I’ll be really pained because there’ll be nobody for me to ‘gist’ with and say all the things I want to say to. It’ll take me time to process it; I’ll cry in batches. But I’ll move on eventually.

I pray it never gets to this point. My final question: are there lessons you’ve learnt so far in your friendship?

Shalom: Anjola has taught me how to be expressive. I’ve got to realize that you have to express how you feel when you feel offended so that people won’t keep annoying you over and over. Another I’ve learnt is confidence. Anjola may not know what she’s saying but she’ll always present whatever she’s saying confidently.

Anjola: I confidently say rubbish, abi? I’ve learnt from Shalom how to chill and trust God. Especially in the area of academics. Then I’ve learnt that there’s no excuse not to do whatever you want to do excellently. You have the grace, you have the potential.