The Senate Chair, Deputy Senate Chair, Fellow Senators, and all worthy observers. Do we even have an observer here today? Oh, we do. That’s surprising. Normally, yoo-IMSAites do not care so much about the sittings oh. You might see one or two people in FJR. But online, don’t even bother. Who will be concerned enough to type in their names as observers in the chat box and try to listen in on whatever correction Senator Onijogbon of the 2k-gbo-gbo constituency is making? Maybe the ones that don’t have anywhere to be on a Friday night sha. But I digress.
I am here to report on the activities of the Association of un-Senatorial Senators (AuSS). Yes, we aren’t on the agenda for today’s meeting. That’s beside the point. You all are already here so you might as well listen to what we have to say. Ehn? That violates what? I’m in violation of what? Didn’t you hear the name of our association? Ẹ gbàmí o, worthy observers. Allow me to finish before you complain. You will learn a thing or two.
First of all, I am pleased to report that our streak of lateness has been broken. One of our members showed up five minutes before the last ordinary meeting, meaning that our streak is now back to zero. Please, ignore today’s lateness. It wasn’t intentional, I promise. It just so happens that even though a member of ours stays two blocks away from FJR, they arrived after the minutes of the last meeting had been read. My leaders, I’m sure you understand that pedestrian traffic has been intense in our hall in recent weeks due to the new cycle. Even Senator – let me not mention their name – was late today. It will not happen again. We are aware some yoo-IMSAites have complained that this lateness also occurs at yoo-IMSA events. Not to point fingers but why are they also going early? And aren’t they the ones coming late too?
Anyway, let us proceed. I am also pleased to report that our tendency to contribute little or nothing to salient issues on the Senate floor is waxing stronger. If you noticed, we do not question reports or presentations made by the Executives. Our own job is to question the questions of those who question them. We have also successfully avoided engaging seniors and juniors alike on controversial subjects, even when they affect our classes. Ruin our relationships? No. Smile and mutter our disapproval? Yes. Take Senator Onijogbon, for example. She is always ‘pointing something out’. She and that Senator Temipoju that analyses budget documents like there’s no tomorrow. It’s nothing more than yoo-IMSA’s money and we at AuSS will not act otherwise. If you check Section 3 of our (AuSS) constitution, you’ll see it there. What? I’m going off-topic? I’m sorry, my Senate Chair. Passion engulfed me. So, as I was saying, we have recorded an 80% success rate of earning the certificate without doing much on the floor of the house.
Of course, not all members of the association are compliant. Some members of AuSS have decided to contribute in their little way. They make sure to point out formatting errors and syntax errors. I particularly enjoy Senator Kay-O-Kay’s “This document is not justified”. You just know he won’t mention anything else for those six to eight hours. He won’t give any suggestions or offer any ideas but you see that document correction, he no dey miss am. Inappropriate language? I know. If that Senator says ‘Point of Order’ again, I will shoot somebody. They are not the only ones in this chamber, please.
The next item on our report is that we have managed to effectively under-represent and even misrepresent our constituencies. We are unreachable when our constituency members need to submit documents or make complaints and are quick to pass the buck to other senators when they somehow manage to get through. Forget WhatsApp, they are better off sending smoke signals or pigeons. I’m a fan of flexing group Admin privileges sha. Because? Because I didn’t campaign and ‘do flier’ just to be disrespected by an ordinary member of the association. We have also achieved our aim of zero feedback on what occurs on the floor of the Senate. We do not carry our constituents along on activities of the association or reasons behind certain decision-making. Resolutions ti to. Inappropriate language again? Senate Chair, you will have to excuse me oh. Just for today. I will soon round up. So yes, we have also taken to stoking the flames of conflict and contributing to inter-class tension by our actions offline and online. We do that because we can.
Wait oh, I almost forgot to mention that we contribute to the document editing wahala. Our failure to send documents to the Senate Review Committee before sitting is just a way of showing we care. One love, everybody.
So far, the major challenges we have faced are senators who insist on the old ways. The senators who cling to standards of excellence are an effective pain in AuSS’s ass. Senator Onijogbon, I will shoot you. I will actually shoot you. “Point of Order” for who? Do you know when I joined this senate? Nonsense! You know what? I won’t even finish. You can read the rest of the report yourself. There’s little left, thankfully. Just recommendations about yoo-IMSAites being encouraged to distance themselves from the Senate and more Senators showing apathy. You can check the rest for yourselves. Nonsense!
Dion.
This is a great read.