Ambitions are possessive lovers. They consume every waking moment, so much that you have scant time for anything else. At the same time, they are tantalisingly addictive. The dopamine rush after a productive day inspires you to do more. You look forward to ticking off that to-do list at the end of the day. You almost obsessively try to complete every activity you have lined up for the day. All is good until one day, it becomes increasingly difficult to retain focus. Your laser-sharp focus is suddenly refracted, and the intervening medium of higher density? That ‘he’ or ‘she’ who has caught your attention. And no, I am not talking about a platonic attraction. It is the one you are thinking about. Yes, that one.
Somehow, you start talking to the person. You ask the person for information you already have. You make sure the person feels your presence. You want to know about everything that is going on with the person. If you’re lucky enough to get your feelings reciprocated, you talk to the person every day about everything and anything. You hate that you are slowly neglecting your first love, the activities you were so bent on completing. They want your attention but no, you substitute them for a human equivalent. You suddenly prefer butterflies in your belly to dopamine. You are such a heartbreaker!
In a last-ditch effort to salvage your relationship and productivity, you try to combine them both. This inevitably begs the question: Can you be as productive as you were now that you are in a relationship?
Productivity hinges on focus. It is the result of an unwavering commitment to a goal. It demands undivided attention, intense dedication and a resolute mindset. When you’re fully focused, you can concentrate your energy, prioritise tasks and drive progress. Focus is the catalyst that transforms intention into action and action into tangible results. When a relationship comes into the scene, attention becomes divided. However, it remains a debate as to whether productivity can or cannot remain optimal when in a relationship.
If you are someone who works hard, you might experience a conflict of interest in your relationship. You know you have to lock-in but someone keeps unlocking you. Now, do not get me wrong. I am not against love, and I am not saying it is impossible to be productive when in love. The interplay between these two is largely dependent on your partner. A driven partner with similar goals like you would be a source of emotional fortitude, motivating you towards productivity and providing succour in difficult times. Whereas, you are more likely to have productivity issues and emotional distress with a partner not as ambitious as you are.
We cannot ignore the pros of a committed relationship; some sources believe that being in a relationship helps improve productivity. Oxytocin, the love hormone, has been shown to increase productivity and innovation. Furthermore, the distraction hypothesis claims that distraction can help improve psychological well-being in stressful conditions. This posits that having a partner is a potent remedy for psychological burnout in pursuing goals.
We all know that the journey of love is one of sacrifice and some people argue that those sacrifices are not worth while some say that they are. Whether or not it’s a worthwhile experience is something I’ll leave you to decide. One thing that’s pivotal to whether your experience will be good, meh, or horrific is having a partner who’s the right match for you
Where a suitable partner would be a source of emotional fortitude, an incompatible partner would attract stress, anger and sorts of negative emotions. Where a compatible partner gives you space and support to grow, an incompatible partner would contort you into shapes to fit their narrative.
Regardless, we cannot deny the existence of divided attention when in love. Competition ensues and sometimes, one has to leave for the other. We have heard of many people who had to choose between their jobs and their relationships. An example is the Manchester City coach, Pep Guardiola, who recently got divorced after 30 years of marriage. Allegedly, his wife accused him of giving all his attention to his job. This may be attributed to the fact that love wanes out and eventually becomes more of a choice than a feeling. In the beginning, you would never imagine a split because of your activities but as time goes on, you start prioritising other things, potentially leaving your partner devoid of attention.
Just like other aspects of life, a balance is needed. You need to be able to tell your partner when you need to complete something and give them the attention they need. You must have heard this quote: “If someone is really into you, you don’t have to keep begging them for a text, call or to spend time. They’ll do it if you’re a priority”. If you truly are in love, you will find ways to balance your attention. There is no guarantee that your productivity will not dwindle but it is the price you have to pay if you want to be in a relationship.
Life is unpredictable, and setbacks are inevitable. Yet, with unwavering determination and a willingness to learn, you will be unstoppable in achieving your goals. Be discerning, and do not be afraid to tap into the wisdom of others who have walked similar paths. As you navigate the journey, carefully weigh the pros and cons of a relationship at this stage of your life. Ask yourself if it aligns with your priorities and aspirations. Will it fuel your growth or hinder your progress? Be truthful to yourself and you shall find the answer you seek.
Marvel Anyabolu
