untitled. unfiltered.

It’s Sunday, a sunny day, literally. I woke up early enough, some minutes shy of 10am and I decided to step out and have a word with God amongst the brethren. I brought out my holy book, cleaned it well enough to look presentable when I try to open through the pages at the instruction of the man of God. The page containing the opening chapter of Genesis had been torn off, no thanks to Scorpion and his obsession with marijuana back in high school. Church was great but if you ask me why, I can’t pinpoint. Sadly I couldn’t also account for the midday hours except that I tried wooing a girl on the way back from church and I was slapped into reality. Later that evening, I sat down and realised that it was a new week and I needed to be more serious unlike the previous  – where I also decided to be more serious, It just didn’t work out. I wrote out my plan for the week, this time on sticky notes so I could attach them neatly on my wall, and become mentally ready for the week. The plan says ‘read from 12am till 3am’ but I slept all through the night, mistake no. 1.

It’s Monday, Kanye West’s Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1 blasting through my neighbour’s speaker finally woke me up after the efforts of my phone alarm went futile. I realised that I’ve started messing up my week’s plan but who cares? Definitely not me. No classes for me that day… okay there were classes but I wasn’t just going. Before you make that reaction on your face, it’s in my plan not to go already. I got up, showered and stepped out to get groceries and… maybe food. I got to a nearby store and realised that everything had gone up, of course except my seriousness level. I bought what my money could afford, i.e. some bottles of liquor and a pack of black pens (wasn’t joking about becoming more serious that week) instead of the milk, ovaltine, and groundnut I initially wrote in my notepad. I hurried back to my place before one more debit alert popped up, changed my clothes and went to the game house to challenge one Ẹ̀gbọ́n that i’ve known since way back in FIFA. The plan – not in my ‘sticky notes’ plan – was to spend 2 hours, but I ended up helping the game house owner to carry his gen back into the shop at 10pm. I ran back to my place, muttering to myself ‘we go again tomorrow, i have my black pens already.’

It’s a Tuesday, I’M GOING TO CLASS. Casuals might not get it, but I was happy that I was becoming more serious, poco a poco. In celebration of this, I opened one of my bottles of liquor and gulped half of it (what a stupid decision to make on a Tuesday morning), mistake no. 2. As expected, I got to class tipsy… but composed enough to hide it. The only thing is that I couldn’t focus properly so I slept through the 3 hours class, and didn’t blink once. To make things worse, Charlene, my only crush, came to class also, on a day I messed myself up with liquor before 9am. Like every other time, I sneaked out minutes to the end of the class and paced back to my place without staggering (I think I’ve got that dawg in me). For the first time this week, I brought out my books. I did a 30-minute marathon reading before my guys asked that we go and play ball. You should know by now that I would pick football over books. You should also know that my day has ended just by picking football. My ‘Read 12am to 3am’ schedule this time was spent talking to my 25th talking stage. if school won’t work, relationship must – or, bad as e bad, situationship go sha work.

It’s Wednesday, I think the week is officially half-way gone. I began to smell productivity when I woke up by myself at 6:46am. Also, for the first time this week, I went to my sticky notes to see how far I’ve come. Wo, Káshámádúpé. But on the bright side, I’m feeling productive. No class today, for real for real this time. So I dived into my books, read so well that it felt like I’ve covered the week’s plan. I took a break and coincidentally my guy came around. Fortunately, he didn’t stay long, so I had my time to myself again. I rushed to the restroom to ease myself, and my guy came back to get a paper cos he saw his crush and foolish him was moving around with a dead iPhone 8+. He needed to get her number this one time. He called me and I told him to get any paper he sees in my room (mistake no.3), he did and left again. Bros helping bros, innit? I got back to my books and spent some more hours stuffing meaningless mnemonics into my head. The day ended and I felt good once again, academically.

It’s Thursday. I needed to attend practicals that day because my attendance count was beginning to resemble that of a student who relocated abroad 2 weeks into the semester. I can’t find my lab coat but I found a lab coat, nevermind how. I also thought it was another opportunity to strike a convo with Charlene, she’s too pretty to be endowed as a talking stage, so she’s not the 25th. I got to the lab and saw adults, grown adults, taking exams. Which exams? I can’t say. Practicals were cancelled – on the day I chose to come out. Practicals? No. Charlene? No. Steezed up for nothing, no attendance, no ‘you’re naughty… smiles’ from her. We move. it wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, but I was getting angrier. So I got back to my place and opened another bottle of liquor (mistake no. 4). this time, I emptied the bottle in shots, to hell with my liver. I slept off on my bed right after and the next time I opened my eyes…

It’s Friday. The best thing about it is that weekend is finally here. My guy didn’t even text me on the update about the crush he was looking for paper for. I go catch am later. I can’t really say how much I’ve done this week but I needed to be in-between the thighs of someone’s daughter. whose daughter? I’ll figure that out. The day was still young and I decided to open my books again – can’t afford to resit any paper please, I go just give up on school. I did another 30 minutes marathon reading before hunger decided that it might just seize my breath. I rushed out to get food and I spent about 2000 naira filling up a medium-sized styrofoam pack (mistake no. 5?). How long can I keep doing this? Well, in the middle of pacing back to my place and doing some + and – with my Opay balance, I ran into Chidinma from the faculty of social sciences. This girl has become so pretttyyy. ‘Hi Chi’ and a few more rizzing up, and she agreed to link up later that day. No worry yourself, I bad like that. I can’t even go back to my books anymore after seeing Chi. I headed to a friend’s and chatted till dusk. I texted Chi that she could come over, prepped my place, and in no time, she came around. TGIF.

It’s Saturday, I was just smiling up and down and my flat mates thought it was because Man United piped Luton, the whole time I was smiling at my sporty account balance. NCAA came through while Chi lost her home training with me. I took a shower and headed out for a fresh haircut. I mistakenly got into a store, picked up some more bottles of liquor, but I added my milo, ovaltine, and groundnut into my basket this time. I called my guy to give me his crush gist, his useless phone was dead again. For the second time, I couldn’t account for the remaining hours of the day. But before I could think too much about how much I’ve done in that week…

It’s Sunday, again. No church today. no hard feelings, I’m just trying to avoid getting slapped by some… It’s time to tick off my plans from the previous week and write another for the new. I can’t find my sticky notes where I pasted it. As how???? My guy’s call finally came in, and I first sent some generational curses his way. He said he misplaced the paper because it didn’t stick to where he put it. I asked, was it the sticky note hanging on my wall, he said yes. I shouted, then added some more curses to the former ones. This brother tore my plans for the week to collect someone’s number, then ended up misplacing the number. Damn!

I’ll just write a new plan for the week. I need to be more serious, unlike the previous…

Tyler.